The Man who Rides Like a Woman
by quicksilver angel
Summary: Just something stupid, based on something my friend accidentally said to me on the phone. kinda short. Alanna meets her opposite (finished!)
1. Chap1

~ The Man who Rides Like a Woman ~  
  
Dedicated to The Copper C@t (check out her stories. They're pretty slush, and I've never read any of them, but she's got more reviews than me, so....uh huh)  
  
I would like to dedicate this story to my (snigger) 'friend', The Copper C@t , after she very stupidly made a mistake when talking to my about TP's Song of the Lioness Quartet. So yeah. Cheers, Metal Kitten! This is for you  
  
  
  
~  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Alanna swore (great beginning, hey?), after studying her map. She should have reached the desert by now, but for some strange unknown reason, she wasn't even in warm country. In fact, at that very minute, an icy blizzard was whipping around her ears, causing her teeth to chatter. She could swear that an icicle was hanging off her nose, and she couldn't even see further than three feet around her.  
  
"I /hate/ the cold," she told Faithful, between gritted teeth....which were not staying very gritted. On the contrary, if you had shoved a piece of wood into her face at that very minute, you would have a nice pile of toothpicks in no time at all. Although you would probably have to see it through a rapidly swelling eye. I mean, if you were in the middle of a raging blizzard, with limited sight, what would /you/ do if some moron just came waltzing along, and shoved a chunk of wood through your teeth?  
  
{Well it was /your/ idea to try and seek adventure} replied Faithful, who was curled up in a not-so-warm position, on Alanna's saddle.  
  
"True," admitted Alanna. Then, casting a dirty look around the three feet of plain white blizzard that she could see, she added, "But I thought that I would be somewhere /warm/. Even Tortall is warmer than this Mithros- abandoned place."  
  
Moonlight whickered agreement, tossing her head. The mare didn't like cold any more than her passengers did, although, being larger, she was not as affected as her smaller friends were.  
  
Sighing, Alanna smoothed the mare's mane. It was no use whining. Even though whining was fun. Better to save her breath for when she would really need it.  
  
"Oh well. Might as well just find somewhere where we can stay, until the storm passes," said Alanna. Faithful purred, glad that his charge had finally come to her senses.  
  
As Alanna did her best to look for some sign of civilisation (which she must be given credit for, in hopefulness, as she could not see further than three feet), Faithful opened his senses, to try to locate some form of life.  
  
{I've got it!} he yowled excitedly, sensing two strong forms of life that were nearby.  
  
"Huh? What?" Alanna shook her head, fighting the urge to sleep. "Where?"  
  
{Right-} suddenly, Faithful realised what the two life forms were. {Oops. Nothing}  
  
The young woman frowned, and stroked her pet. "Never mind," she finally sighed. "Moonlight'll find her way, won't you, girl?"  
  
The mare whinnied, lifting Alanna's spirits. However, if the lady knight had understood just what her mount had just said, she would not be so pleased with the horse.  
  
{Think again, stupid} grumbled Moonlight. Faithful chuckled softly to himself.  
  
It was freaky, just how human-like those two animals were. Just like my brother. But /everyone/ knows that brothers can't /possibly/ be human. JK.  
  
"Mithros, why do /I/ get all the bad luck?" exploded Alanna, a sudden wave of depression washing over her. Her real identity being found out in the most embarrassing way, being short (not that there's anything wrong with being short), and Coram disappearing rather suddenly one morning without so much as a goodbye!  
  
A sudden explosion of hissing from the ground woke Alanna from her stupor, and she looked down in alarm.  
  
{Cold!} wailed Faithful, from the snowy ground. {Cold!}  
  
"Oh!" Alanna leaned down from the saddle quickly, and scooped the cat up. "What happened?" she asked, rubbing the warmth back into the cat.  
  
After freeing himself from his owner's anxious grip, Faithful seated himself back into his cup on the saddle, and began grooming himself with long, exaggerated licks. Finally, he gathered his pride and flung it into the wind, saying, {You startled me and I fell}.  
  
The purple-eyed knight gaped at her cat, and burst out laughing.  
  
"You /what/?" she hooted.  
  
A/N Man, I make Alanna sound like a total idiot, don't I? E/A/N (End of Author's Note)  
  
Faithful fixed her with a steady purple eye, and replied that /he/ did not see what was so funny about being startled by some self-pitying knight.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Alanna kindly, smoothing the fur on Faithful's back.(Be gross if you didn't know that Faithful was a cat, hey? Fur on the back. Yeugh!).  
  
"I didn't see it your way."  
  
{Obviously} sniffed Faithful, his pride still stinging.  
  
{Humans} said Moonlight.  
  
{Totally} agreed Faithful.  
  
* A/N  
  
That's all for now. PLEASE review. I really love reading reviews, even though I don't get that many....sigh. Well, anyway. Read The Copper C@t's stories, if you're the kind that likes slush. And if you want humour, you can read silverthorn's stor....y....it's really cool. The last time I asked her, it was called 'Alanna versus Ralon'....or something like that.  
  
But anyway. For those with short-term memories....please review. 


	2. The other Knight

Chapter 2  
  
*  
  
It was pretty late when Alanna finally found the cave. She knew this, because the blizzard around her was starting to turn kinda dark.  
  
"Thank Mithros!" she exclaimed, once she and her companions were safely inside the cave. "I thought we were doomed to walk that cursed blizzard forever!"  
  
"So did I," muttered a deep voice, from the shadows. (/no/, I did not mean the evil little voices in her head).  
  
Alanna swung around, her sword out in one swift movement.  
  
"Who was that?" she demanded, watching the shadows wearily.  
  
"Me," said a man, stepping out into the light. He was leading a powerful- looking stallion, which was tossing its head repeatedly. (if you wanna make fun of that, then get lost).  
  
Alanna sheathed her sword slowly, although she continued to eye the man warily. "I'm sorry," she said. "But who are you?"  
  
"I am Sir Alan," replied the man.  
  
"Oh...." nodded Alanna. Finally, she extended her hand. "I'm Sir Alanna."  
  
The two stared at each other suspiciously, shaking the other's hand slowly.  
  
"Isn't 'Alanna' a..../lady's/ name?" asked Sir Alan, cautiously.  
  
Alanna nodded.  
  
"Aren't you a..../lady/?"  
  
Alanna shook her head.  
  
"You poor lad!" cried the other knight. "Fancy having to get through life with a lady's name! Why, everyone will think that you're a /woman/, if you'll pardon me for saying so."  
  
The lady knight scowled. "I /am/ a woman," she replied. "I am Sir Alanna of Trebond, Lady Knight."  
  
"Oh." The man nodded. "My apologies."  
  
"That's quite alright," replied Alanna.  
  
Identities understood, both knights were now visibly, far more relaxed.  
  
{Why in the name of Mithros would a /girl/ want to become a knight?" the other knight's horse asked Moonlight.  
  
{Beats me} shrugged the mare. The stallion stared at the mare.  
  
{He/she beats you?} he gasped. {I'll kill the vermin!} And with that, he lunged at Alanna, his teeth bared. The Lady Knight took one look at the angry stallion, and leapt aside.  
  
{No, no!} said Moonlight, hastily, before the stallion could charge again. {I don't understand why she would want to become a knight, is what I meant}.  
  
{Oh}. Embarrassed, the stallion snorted, retreating. Alanna raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What in the name of Mithros?" she asked.  
  
"I'm sorry about that," apologised the other knight. "Sunny gets a bit excited sometimes."  
  
The other eyebrow went up.  
  
"Sunny?"  
  
"Short for *Sunshine," explained the knight. (*don't laugh. There's a reason for this).  
  
"Sunshine, hey?" asked Alanna. "My mare's called Moonlight."  
  
"Moonlight, hey?" asked Sir Alan. "My stallion's called Sunshine."  
  
Alanna stared at him. "I know."  
  
A pair of suspicious green eyes stared back at her. "How?"  
  
The Lady Knight finally supposed that the man must have a loose screw in his head, and decided to pursue the matter no more.  
  
"Never mind," she replied. "Do you know what time it is?"  
  
"Nope," he shook his head. "I reckon it's pretty late though."  
  
"Yeah," Alanna nodded. "How long do you think the blizzard will keep?"  
  
Sir Alan shrugged. "Well....it'll probably rage all night."  
  
And so it did.  
  
{Cold} yowled Faithful, even though he was curled up beside Alanna.  
  
"I know," she nodded. "But it'll be over in the morning."  
  
But it wasn't. In fact, overnight, the blizzard had sealed up the cave entrance completely. They were snowed in.  
  
{I'm /still/ cold!} complained the cat, yawning sleepily.  
  
"So am I," nodded Alanna, her eyes still shut. She liked sleeping in. However, 'Sir Alan' didn't, and he trudged around the place, doing his morning exercises.  
  
"Nothing like a good ol' aerobics to keep the limbs limber," he said, stretching his tall frame, filling Alanna with envy at his height.  
  
"So....where did you come from?" she asked, hating the silence. The other knight appeared reluctant to continue destroying the silence however, and remained silent for a few more minutes, before finally replying, "I was here yesterday. Do you have morning amnesia or something? Remember? I'm Sir- "  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I know," said Alanna, quickly. "But you didn't say where you were from."  
  
"I came from the blizzard, like you," replied the knight. He appeared extremely stupid.  
  
"No," replied Alanna gently. "I was born in Trebond."  
  
"Oh. Where I'm from?" asked the knight. "Why didn't you say that in the first place? I was born in Carthak."  
  
*  
  
f 


	3. Cave in!

Chapter 3  
  
Thanx SO much 2 all who reviewed! I really appreciate it. Oh, and the person who was asking? Italics don't show up on Fanfiction.net for me, so if I have /, then it means the word is being emphasised. K? Cool. I'm sorry if I can't remember your names, but the other person who suggested the name 'Faithless'? Thank you so much. I really, really appreciate it. I'm sorry, but I've altered it slightly. But anyway, thanks heaps.  
  
*  
  
Another moment of silence, in which Sir Alan indulged in.  
  
Suddenly, the two gaped at each other.  
  
"Tortall!" exclaimed one.  
  
"Carthak!" exclaimed the other. If you're too stupid to figure out which said which, I wish you luck in the HSC, cuz you'll definitely need it.  
  
"Scum!" Finally, they agreed on one thing.  
  
"Die, fiend!" roared Sir Alan, drawing his sword slowly, taking time to show off the many gems on it.  
  
Alanna did not care to yell insults at her opponents, and drew her sword in one swift movement, so that the other knight could not even see the glittering diamond in the middle of the handle.  
  
{Mithros help us} sighed Moonlight, rolling her eyes.  
  
{Mithros help that poor stupid knight} replied Sunshine. {Sir Alan's the worst in the land at fencing}  
  
The disturbed, and incredibly stupid knight was unsurprisingly, bad at fencing as well. Would have given poor Bob the Builder a heart attack. No, not that kinda fencing. JK.  
  
"Haha!" cackled the knight, slicing upwards, and lopping a stalactite off the roof of the cave. His mount, Sunshine was astonished.  
  
{That's the first time he's ever hit anything} commented the stallion, looking impressed. Moonlight appeared quite relieved to see that the stallion's words were true. This man was the worst at fencing, that she had ever seen.  
  
{Haha!} giggled Faithful. {You're right! He /is/ terrible at fencing!}  
  
From deep within the heart of the cave, there was a growl, as a huge, white dog emerged, teeth bared, saliva dripping from its powerful jaws.  
  
{What did you just call my master?} he snarled, brown eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
Faithful took one look at the gigantic canine, and hissed, the fur along his back shooting up, as he leapt up onto the safety of Moonlight's broad back.  
  
{Terrible at fencing!} he spat at the dog, braver now, that he was safe.  
  
{Oh} The dog stopped advancing, and his lips slowly slid over the sharp, white teeth. {Sorry. My senses are just so bad nowadays, that I couldn't hear right}  
  
Ever vigilant, Faithful was still reluctant to forgive the easy-going dog.  
  
{What's your name?} panted the dog, scratching an ear as he watched the pathetic display of defence by his master. Apparently, he did not feel the same urge as Faithful, to protect the human he was owned by.  
  
{Faithful} replied the cat, tartly. Then, after a while, curiosity got the better of him, and he asked, {What's your name?}  
  
Delighted to be accepted at last by the cat, the dog barked, {Hopeless!}  
  
Faithful was taken aback. {What?!} he yowled.  
  
{Hopeless} repeated the dog, happy to say his name again. {Hopeless, Hopeless, Hopeless}.  
  
The cat was shocked. {What kind of name is Hopeless?} he demanded.  
  
{Sir Alan's servants chose it for me!} he barked, animatedly. {They say it really suits me! Don't you agree?}  
  
Faithful was about to reply that he did not agree at all, and he thought it the most ridiculous idea that he had ever heard before, in his life, but then he remembered the rows of gleaming white teeth that had shone in the dog's mouth.  
  
{Um....it's a very nice name} he said, kindly.  
  
{Nice, nice, nice!} bayed the dull-witted creature. Slowly, the wall began trembling, and Faithful knew that the wall of ice was about to collapse, because of the insipid creature's barking. That was a rather good thing, but the fact that if the wall collapsed, it would probably crush them all, including the purple-eyed girl whom the Mother had told him to protect. That was /not/ good.  
  
{I don't think-} began Faithful, but the dog interrupted.  
  
{I don't, either!} he bayed, before bursting into loud laughter, which literally, /shook/ the cave.  
  
Alanna felt the ground shaking beneath her leather boots, and quickly leapt back, sheathing her sword as quickly as she had drawn it out.  
  
"The wall!" she yelled to Sir Alan. "It's about to collapse!"  
  
"Huh? Wha?" the knight looked behind him, at the long tunnel.  
  
"Good thinking!" said Alanna, not knowing that the knight had actually thought that the tunnel behind them was about to collapse. "Come on, Faithful! Hurry up, Moonlight! The wall's going to collapse on us!"  
  
With a nervous whinny, Moonlight ambled forward, after the human, which she had learned to trust throughout the years. Unfortunately for Sir Alan, his mount was not quite as trusting as Alanna's faithful mount. It was screaming (don't make me come over there) and rearing, flaying out wildly, with its forelegs at Sir Alan. What was worse, was the knight's reaction to his mount's temper. Drawing a whip from his belt, he began flogging the stallion, pausing every so often to scream, as his horse's forelegs passed metres away from his face.  
  
"OW!" he screeched, when Sunshine's hooves waved a metre away from him. "My arm! It HURTS!"  
  
Then, to Alanna's great disgust, he burst into tears on the spot.  
  
"Mummy!" he blubbered. "I want my Mummy! Waaahhhhhhhh!"  
  
"Ugh," she muttered. Indecision tickled her mind, as she wondered whether or not, to leave the....(yuck) Carthakian (I don't know what they're really called, so stuff it) to his rather painful death in front of the ice wall. Oh well. A life /was/ a life. Even if it was an enemy's.  
  
"Oh, for the Mother's sake!" she cried to the man. "Shut up and stop crying!" Then, grabbing Sunshine's halter, she eased the stallion to the ground gently, talking softly to it in a hushed tone. Finally, the horse calmed down, allowing itself to be pulled into the shadows with the mare.  
  
"What about /me/?" whined Sir Alan, seeing his horse and dog being rescued.  
  
"Come on!" shouted Alanna. When the knight did not respond, she exhaled loudly, grabbing his arm and dragging him into safety, rather reluctantly.  
  
"Ow! Ow! My arm! It hurts!" sobbed Sir Alan. (Getting heaps of this wanker kinda behaviour from my brother and....(ahem) 'certain' people in the class. If you wanna see a serious loser, read my other story, Chaos).  
  
"Let go! Ow! You're hurting me, you big meanie!" screamed Sir Alan. (Oh Christina....sorry. She's my friend, whom everyone, including me, picks on). Note the 'big' meanie bit, when he's two heads taller than Alanna.  
  
"In the name of Mithros, you are /seriously/ the most annoying, stupid, immature....CREATURE! in the whole world!" yelled Alanna, fed up with the pathetic knight.  
  
Sir Alan gaped at her. "Huh?" he asked. Suddenly, his green eyes filled up with tears again, and he burst into noisy howls of sorrow. "You're so MEAN! I HATE you! Boohoohoo!"  
  
"Aw, shurrup," growled Alanna, shoving him into a corner. No sooner had she found a suitable hiding place, the wall crumbled, ice and snow pouring into the cave, filling it up like helium in a balloon. And speaking of helium....  
  
"EEK! IT'S SO COLD!" squealed Sir Alan, sounding very much as if he had been sucking on helium all morning. "OOH! MY TOES!" He then giggled.  
  
Alanna rolled her purple eyes. "Mithros."  
  
{You know, you two are exact opposites} commented Faithful.  
  
Alanna snorted. "Yeah right," she said. Then, a sudden burst of inspiration made her say, "Just wait till he gets on his horse."  
  
{That I will....} purred Faithful. {That I will....}  
  
*  
  
Hey, people. PLEEZ keep reviewing. I LURV readin' reviews. In case some of you didn't get the 'Hopeless' bit (which is quite impossible), it's the opposite of Faithful. One of my wonderful reviewers suggested that I put a 'Faithless' character in, so when I was at school today, I started writing. But Faith/ful/ and Faith/less/ are kinda similar so I got the opposite of 'Faith', which is 'Hope', and....yeah.  
  
Sorry if you think that I comment too much during the story, but I can't help it. I'm just that kinda sarcastic, horrible person that you fake fever for, so you can stay at home and not run into me at school. JK. No, I'm not /that/ awful....  
  
*cackles evilly*  
  
K, I guess you'd be kinda bored by now (I'm using the word 'kinda' a lot, aren't I?), so I'll leave this chapter with this.  
  
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ review. OR, as Sir Alan would say....Pretty please, with sugar and glace cherries on top, review.  
  
I think I'll stick to the former. 


	4. The End

Chapter 4  
  
Almost finished....  
  
*  
  
When the wall of ice was no more (oh, aren't I ever so poetic?), only then did Alanna and her companions emerge from the tunnel, rather shaken, but none worse for the wear.  
  
"Phew!" Alanna exhaled loudly, her face slightly paler than usual. "I thought we were dead!" Her bright blue tunic was speckled with a thin layer of ice, but she didn't care.  
  
Surprisingly, the other knight did not appear to be disturbed by the followings at all, as he was probably already disturbed, mentally, and was dusting flecks of snow off his dull red tunic. Very fussy about his appearance, that knight.  
  
Sir Alan turned to the Lady Knight  
  
*when's the book gonna come out in Australia? That sucks! America's already got it!*  
  
and swept his hat off his head grandly.  
  
*don't ask me where he got the freaking hat, cuz it was just another idea of opposites, since that would be chivalrous, which Alanna is not....actually....I'm not quite sure....I mean, she's a woman, right?*  
  
"I bid you good day, fair lady!" he said, sounding a lot more masculine than he had in the cave. Then, he slid his left foot into the stirrup and, grasping the saddle firmly in both hands, he swung his body up over the saddle, with agility that most gymnasts would kill for. (don't get any ideas, Katie)  
  
*I used to take riding lessons. One of the few things that I remember is that when you mount a horse, you should get up from the left side. I've even forgotten the reason for that, though. Doesn't make sense, I reckon. I mean, your right foot would probably be stronger than your left foot or something....right? Cuz like, if you're right-handed....then....Oh, stuff it! Just forget I said anything, okay?*  
  
"See," muttered Alanna, nudging her cat with her foot. "He got up easily enough."  
  
And Faithful had to agree. However, before he could reply, the man was gone, riding off, side-saddle, into the sunset.  
  
The End  
  
*  
  
Did anyone get the side-saddle bit? That's how ladies rode in the olden days, in case you were wondering. If you want, you can review for a sequel. I might and I might not write one though. Depends on how many requests I get.  
  
But anyway.  
  
Thanx 4 reading my story  
  
Seeya! 


End file.
